e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

NESSA TURNS 6!!

For Nessa's bday we took her and Adrian to the Petronas Science Centre via the LRT. I can hardly believe she is 6 yrs old already. How time flies. We love Vanessa to bits.

When she was first diagnosed (at 2 1/2 yrs old) as having 'mild developmental delay' as the doctors and therapists were reluctant to label her with anything more at that time, I was devasted. I started by wondering why God felt I needed to go thru this, feeling guilty, being angry - mostly at God, and then onto worrying abt needing to sacrifice my time and money. Then I got into worrying abt how this will affect Adrian & Rachael and finally - I really worried about the quality of life Vanessa will have, esp when I fear she will spend most of her adult life without her parents with her.

The first year of the onset was the most difficult. She would wake up screaming in the middle of the night and clung to me in great fear thru till the morning. She was hyper active and totally non-compliant. Yet now she is very sweet natured, very loving and sleeps thru the night. I survived the difficult first year with the support of my friends who came over everyweek for a whole year to pray for Vanessa. Thank you so much girls. Most especially my dearest Mom was my greatest help. Inspite of the fact my Mom was diagnosed with an incurable degenerative disease, she never stopped helping me care for my children till the day she herself was in hospital. Vanessa, if you read this blog someday, let me tell you, your Ah Mah loved you so so much dear. If only you knew. She was always most proud of you.

Picture of your Ah Mah celebrating your 2nd birthday. Cake courtesy of Uncle Randolph and Aunty Joanne who kindly brought it over cas your Daddy and I were away in Sipadan. Dont know if they realised it, but they made your Ah Mah so happy. They have always been thoughful and I thank God for them. Ah Mah was on a heavy dosage of steroids by then but insisted your daddy and I go on a holiday while she can still watch over you. I will always remember my Mummy's love and I pray, God will remind me to be likewise with all of my children. Mummy, I miss you so much.

I also remember Uncle John and Aunty Siew-Ai's unconditional love and generosity. They insisted the children and I were to move to America for 9 months and live with them where they would help finance Vanessa's therapy. I was so touched by their genuine care and love. Thru it all, God has been very good to us. Today, Vanessa still has some way to go, but she is the prettiest little girl I have ever seen and has a good disposition. I believe God has a hand in her life and am believing Him for her healing.

Our family has come a long way. Wish my Mummy was still around to see this. Oh, and Rach isnt in the pics cas she was back in Cheras preparing for her piano exam.